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social circles, this young woman s behavior would be unremarkable. Cultural changes
have given women the option of more sexual behavior than in the past. Options have
thereby increased for men too; when good girls wouldn t even think of performing oral
sex on the first date (and the hook up didn t exist), men were much less likely to have
easily accessible sexual satisfaction.
Equal Opportunity Orgasms?
We asked respondents whether they had an orgasm on their most recent hook up, and
whether they thought their partner did. Whether we use women s or men s report, about
40% say the man had an orgasm. But a much lower percent of women had an orgasm,
even by men s report, but it also appears that men often think the woman has an orgasm
when she doesn t! Men reported that their female partners had an orgasm in 30% of the
most recent hook ups, but only 14% of the women reported an orgasm.
If we believe each gender s report of their own orgasm, hook ups involve orgasm for
men twice as often as for women. The orgasm disparity is much worse than [the] sex gap
in pay in the labor market; women have less than half the orgasms of men on hook ups,
but women earn more than three-quarters as much as men!6 Why does this gap exist? One
reason is probably that women are receiving less genital stimulation conducive to orgasm
than men in hook ups. For example, in hook ups involving oral sex but no intercourse,
men had over two and a half times the probability of receiving unreciprocated oral sex than
women did. (As mentioned above, where couples stopped with oral sex, 49% of the time
it was mutual, 37% only the man received it, and only 14% of the time only the women
received it.)
Sometimes the disparity is because women are uncomfortable receiving oral
sex outside a relationship. One male respondent described it this way: I think that
girls don t go into a situation expecting that the first time, [that] the guy is gonna go
down . . . they feel that s a bigger deal. . . . The female feels a little more protective of
herself. . . . Whereas, the guy . . . there s no shame in . . . having the girl have her
hand down your pants. . . .
Other times, the problem is that men are unwilling or unskilled at performing
cunnilingus. One female respondent complained: He did that thing where . . . they put
their hand on the top of your head . . . and I hate that! . . . Especially cause there was
not an effort made to, like, return that favor. One woman complained about the inequity
in emphasis on female pleasure, saying, Most usually guys don t give me head. Usually
I give them head. . . . And that sucks. Another said:
He wanted me to go down on him . . . which you know I had no problem, I actually
rather enjoyed. . . . And then we finish . . . I don t want to say my turn, but. . . . Next
morning . . . he turns over and . . . wants to start making out again. . . . So I m gonna
assert my wants this time. . . . I m taking his hand and trying to move it down there and
he goes for maybe for thirty seconds and then stops . . . and he expects me to repeat the
night before. . . . I was, like, I m sorry.
6. Institute for Women s Policy Research, 2005. In 2004, among U.S. full-time, year-round workers, women s
median annual earnings was $31,223, 76.5% of men s median, which was $40,798. These figures include only
full-time, year-round workers, but are not adjusted for differences in years of experience or occupation.
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148 Part II " Sex and Gender
100%
90%
90% Women Men
84%
80%
70%
60%
50%
38%
40%
32% 32%
30%
17% 17%
20%
14%
10%
All Hand Stimulating Oral Intercourse
Hook Ups Genitals Sex
FIGURE 11.2 Percent of Men and Women Reporting Having an Orgasm in Hook Ups
Involving Various Sexual Behaviors
Statistics include only men s report of men s orgasm and women s report of women s orgasm. Women s
orgasm for hook ups involving oral sex include only those where she received oral sex, whether he did or not,
and exclude those involving intercourse. Men s orgasm for hook ups involving oral sex include only those
where he received oral sex, whether she did or not, and exclude those involving intercourse. Analogously,
hook ups involving hand stimulation of her genitals may or may not involve her hand stimulation of his
genitals, and vice versa, but both exclude any involving intercourse or oral sex.
We see the orgasm gap as well when we look at reports of orgasm within specific
types of hook ups. For example, in the fifth of hook ups involving intercourse, women
and men agree that men have an orgasm more than 80% of the time, but, by women s
report these hook ups lead to her orgasm only a third of the time. (Men, however, report
that their female intercourse partner orgasmed 70% of the time.) In hook ups where he
received oral sex, men and women agree that he has an orgasm about 80% of the time,
but in hook ups where he performs oral sex on her, only 30% of the women who had such
hook ups said they had orgasm (men estimate women had orgasms in 61% of these). Thus,
by anyone s report, women have substantially fewer orgasms than men. (See Figure 11.2,
which uses respondents reports of their own orgasms.)
If we believe women s reports of their own orgasms, men are vastly overestimating
the frequency of their partners orgasms (see Figure 11.3). Why might this be? A number
of women talked about faking orgasms to shore up the guy s ego. So, in some cases, men
may be receiving misleading information. One man, in the dark about whether a woman
he s had sex with several times has an orgasm says, I m just not really sure. But she makes
a lot of noises . . . so I think I m doing the right thing. . . .
Reputations and the Double Standard
In qualitative interviews, students often talked about how women get a bad reputation
among men and women if they hook up too much, or with too many men who know
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Chapter 4 " Sexuality and Society 149
100%
90% Her report His report
80%
76%
70%
65%
60%
50%
40%
32% 32%
32%
30%
30%
17%
20%
14%
10%
All She Received She Received Intercourse
Hook Ups Hand Stimulating Oral Sex
Genitals
FIGURE 11.3 Men s and Women s Perceptions of the Woman s Orgasm in Hook Ups
Involving Various Sexual Behaviors
Statistics for hook ups involving oral sex for her may or may not include oral sex for him, and vice versa, but
both exclude those including intercourse. Analogously, hook ups involving hand stimulation of her genitals
may or may not involve her hand stimulation of his genitals, and vice versa, but both exclude any involving
intercourse or oral sex. Numbers are percent of hook ups in which women reported to have orgasms.
each other, or have sex too easily. Men who do the same thing sometimes get a bad
reputation among women, but it doesn t last as long, they said. Meanwhile, men gain
status from talking to other men about their exploits. It would seem more consistent
with equal opportunity feminism if both men and women both got an equally bad
(or elevated) reputation for the same behavior, or if neither got a bad reputation at all.
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